My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
