How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So vagazzling was a success
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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