My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
