everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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