she woke up with a sticky ear
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
