11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
