Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize