Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
