Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
