Is it because I queefed?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
