No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
