lets start a swedish sibling band together
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
