I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
