I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
