I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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