On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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