I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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