he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
