I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
