i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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