when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
