it was like his penis was on wheels.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
