I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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