Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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