need another drink. this is the easiest way
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
