Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
