On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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