Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
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I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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