Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
