I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
