i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize