no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
