White coat. Heels.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
