so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
