i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
