As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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