...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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