I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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