so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
my poor anus
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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