You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
COCAINE IS GR8
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
