The maid of honor just puked.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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