I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am naked and annoyed.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
