Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
