just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
