tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
