I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
