Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
