It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
