i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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