11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
