Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
