i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
