so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
