You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
