sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
