Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
