i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think I sprained my soul last night
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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