I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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