i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
