This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
