She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
