I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
