I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
